It’s hard to draw a shape of my stars. Of my life. Of my heart. What is out there already is such a small part of it all. But that’s not the shape of the whole.
I’m not that person to hide and pretend anymore. I have an outline of myself now and I know where to look at my stars.
Life is hard. Yes, it’s hard, and I used to make it harder than it was. It got me through ups and a lot of downs, but I am proud of it and it made me stronger.
I realised how lonely I can be, and that became a powerful thing, once I fully understood it. I see it as an empty canvas with some dots I’ve drawn on it. And then it can get complicated when I want it to be. Drawing the lines between them was the biggest decision I’ve ever made and it’s an ongoing process.
When was the last time you took a look at the clear night sky?
I do it with each chance I get. The stillness of that canvas, full of bright shiny stars is one of my favourite landscapes.
It’s free and it’s everywhere, no matter where you are in this big world.
Before I started travelling, I was getting home late sometimes, and on my walk to the front door of my home, I was looking up, and an immense world of stars was gently shining over me. The bright dots were there, forming patterns and shapes.
The earth is moving and sometimes I’d had to search for the familiar patterns, but it was always there.
Breathing the air of foreign lands, sometimes warmer and sometimes a lot colder, if the sky was clear, the stars were always there. It eased the feeling of missing home because I was home. Because home is not a place, it’s a feeling.
That feeling of tranquillity and stillness will always be with me because my stars are always there. And will be.
The shape of my stars is the one I draw and somehow it comforts me knowing I can always draw the same lines and see the same pattern. It will always bring me home.
I took the chance
I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Having my shape, knowing where my stars are is the greatest power I have and it’s all in my control.
I wanted to share this because sometimes I feel lost, and most of us do. But I get lost knowingly and it’s all my fault. Or choice. There is a simple path for everything I do, as long as I remember the shape of my stars.
Some define chance as a risk. Isn’t all a risk? Every decision involves a risk and at any given point something can get off track.
But those who don’t take the risk are the ones who never follow the shape of their stars. Look up to the sky, not just the floor.
I also fear sometimes
The endless possibilities of each lived moment are a matter of insanity. Examining each and every one of it will take forever, but the outcome needs to be decided sooner than that.
I see a miracle every day. My stars are replaced with light and everything gets drawn in this light. That’s the biggest sign that I must remember the shape of my stars so I can draw it again. I have it in my mind and I carry it with me every second.
What do I play for?
The probable outcome is a product of my imagination and it’s up to me to make it visible to others. I may do this or that, but without the shape of my stars, the memory will fade.
I have it with me and I am all in for it every second of the game. I speak it but it’s more important to make it happen. I cannot promise you it will last forever because even my sky has cloudy days, but I can draw you the shape of my stars and I will tell you when it’s not what it should look like.
You know what diamonds are? There is nothing wrong or right. We make our own.
I know I don’t need anything from anyone else, except myself. I chose my stars and my shape. And if you saw it, don’t doubt it, because I know it better than you do.
The most painful thing I could say right now is “That’s not the shape of my stars”.