I started this blog post series hoping that I will find more meaning into what is happening. And hoping that I will bring more value into your life (if anyone is still reading this daily rant). But the coronavirus crisis has turned into an existential crisis that doesn’t seem to end anytime soon. What kind of times are we living?
Social media has proven to be pointless. No value there. I still upload my daily post on Instagram, trying to bring some sunshine into someone’s day. I try to bring a small daily dose of travel wanderlust and I can’t tell if it’s working anymore.
I have so much I want to share and I have so many ideas of what I want to do. My trips from the past 6 months are still to be exposed on my blog, and countless photos and videos are still to be edited. But it seems to me that the concept of travelling has disappeared and it’s of no interest.
I used to think that many people face about one existential crisis in their lifetime and that I had mine when I was 25 and left my office job to become a volunteer. I postponed the decision for 2 months before I finally had enough courage to announce it publicly. Those 2 months tormented me, giving me the worse nightmares I have ever had. But then, after I told everyone exactly how I felt about my job, I felt liberated. I used to think that was my existential crisis and that I successfully moved on. I wrote so much about my quarter-life crisis, to the point I felt ashamed for being so selfish and egocentric.
I blame it on my hormones, my lack of life education and I was so driven to learn it all by myself, leaving everything I knew behind. I gave up on the thought of ever doing something in the field of my studies and decided to be a blogger. A content writer. And a social media manager. Whatever that means. I had some good days when I thought I was doing a good job. But had plenty of the other kind, as well.
I came to realize that the saying “Fake it till you make it” makes perfect sense in the kind of society I live in, but I am too polite to fake it. I speak the truth, although I don’t always get the truth, cuz everyone else if faking it. And it leaves me confused.
I am not sure if this is my crisis to live or if it is just a world crisis and I am just a wheel that turns a device.
The world I see around is confused and that leaves me confused. What happened to all the crap about faking it? Or the making it part? Are we going to make it? Or are we just continually lying to ourselves?
Whatever your answer is, I am here to watch it all happen. Though good and bad days.
And if this makes no sense to you, it might mean I am losing my mind a bit.
Or perhaps, the coronavirus crisis is pushing most of us into an existential crisis?!